My salary

Wednesday: April 2th, 2014. I got my first SALARY after a long time without being paid. I was counting the days. Day after day until the third month comes, here, usually in every place I used to work they would let me go after my first or second month. Otherwise I would leave by myself cause something I didn’t like happened.

Every time I got my salary I told my boss “ thank you …” and she answered “ no need..”

When I got my first salary I was jumping all the way coming back home, recalling the first month just after I started job – the first I actually got paid… how hard it was for me. I didn’t have money at that time to go to my work everyday, I didn’t have any idea how I would do that? I didn’t want to either ask my family or embarrass my friend by asking her to give me my money back … the money she should given back 3 years ago. I started teaching at the mornings or in my days off in order to earn enough so I was able to get to the bakery. I prayed everyday to God, I was talking to him a lot, telling him” I don’t know what to say? Or how to talk, oh God… but you know what I need and what I want to say” I was so sure he saw me, he knew everything.

A lot of people made fun of me and of my work, some of them tried to take all the joy from me by talking about how smart and educated I was, but they couldn’t. I was sorry for them. If they didn’t understand how much my work was good, enjoyable and relaxing it means they were sad, poor people. Yes I would like to work in media again or to keep writing, but what I was looking for was not here. I am a writer - yes I am …yes my Arabic is really bad, I do a lot of grammar mistakes but I am still a writer. I want to be able to write about people stories or to have my talk show with normal people. I don’t want to talk about the famous, I want to talk and tell about everyone who feels himself NOBODY, about who’s having a dream trying it makes come true.

In my first month I went through different things: like how to describe bread, how to become a sales girl. Oh… my first day in the bakery as a sales, alone. It was a disaster, I couldn’t remember anything and also I didn’t remember the names of everything and my boss told me: it’s Saturday and raining so usually there are no customers today. She left, after a while customers started coming in, non stop, the line was becoming longer and longer. I was telling everyone “ sorry, I am new” I was calling my boss asking about everything but she couldn’t understand me very well and I didn’t know what she was talking about, I tried to be cool but inside I was crying. Freaking-out. When my boss traveled to Germany in the end of my first month I went crazy. I was coming here at 10 am, whether it’s my shift or not. I was cleaning a lot and telling myself “ I need to keep this place clean … she needs to feel like she didn’t leave”. It was one week … but not like any other week before … that week helped to understand a little about the business, fall in love with the bakery, try to learn more about baking.

Also in that month a lot of people were coming, asking me about my boss if she was married or not? If she was a Christian or Jewish or Muslim? If we supported Israel or Palestine? If our gelatin was Halal or not? If I said “ bism allah al rahman al rahem “ before baking or not? If I was a Muslim or not?  Some of them were asking me where I was from… the funny part was that I spoke Arabic with them and then they would still ask me “ where are you from ? “ or “ for how long you have been here?  Then they would tell me “ oh la la … your Arabic is very good but you need to learn how to pronounce it very well or you need to speak more “ some of them were asking me if I was a Moroccan or Tunisian and some without asking spoke to me in Spanish. I loved these people who thought I was Latin.

Some customers were coming here not for the bread. They were coming for meat “ humans meat”. They were coming here, buying nothing, just asking me how old I was? If I was married or not? If I had a boyfriend or not? If I was virgin or not?? Some of them they didn’t ask, they just told me personal things,  waiting me to start talking about myself. Like this old man who asked me to go out with him for a dinner after I finish my work. This was not the first time to hear that or to be in the same situation..

I feel grouse when a man comes here, looks at my body, asks me why was I single? Oh my God! I just remembered that … an old man asked me to go out with him after Ramadan and when I asked why? He said because I was smart, nice and he was trying to make me feel like I am not that beautiful and he favored me so when I said “ NO” he asked me if I was a lesbian  This kind of people made me feel like a hero because I kept smiling when I kicked them out telling in a nice manner “ thanks to come here but watch your neck the next time so you don’t break it”.

Not only this people make me feel like a hero also here like that night… 

The smell of Chocolate..

This story is about a little girl, Who lost her mum at an early age. she could not remember her voice or face, She used to hear from her dad and grand parents '' your mum was an amazing cook, famous for her giant lima beans salad''.

The little girl never tried her mum's food, her mum had passed away before she could eat. The little girl was really skinny, long brown hair with little hazel eyes. Her name is " Marcellina".

Marcellina learned how to go to school on foot, walking to school is her favorite time because she can dream without any one bathering her. she can talk to her mum asking " why mumy I can't eat candy or chocolate??" ... " why I have diabetes??".

One day a bakery opened on her way to school she was smelling this smell every day. this bakery was pink from out side a lot of candy and bread on display in the front window, she was telling herself '' I can't go there, I'll die like my mummy". Then one day she decided to go there " I need to know ... what is that smell??". She opened the door and heard this bell, she was there for two minutes only and then she ran out.

In her mins she remembered a story about kids eating a lot of candy and sweets then an evil witch trying to eat one of them.

She went back home crying and crying holding her mum's picture, telling her with tears flowing pouring her face " mumy I miss you.. ".

In the summer she used to visit her grandparents to spend two weeks with them, sleeping in her mum's room. Everything in her mum's room was chocolate brown. She used to visit a cake shop with her grandma and listen to the old lady story's about her mum when she was a little kid. How her mum had her mini gang to torturing cats on the streets and how her mum was the only kid not afraid of cats, the lady was always telling her " your mum was different a sweet girl with evil mind ... she was watching a lot of cartoons the risk ... denger of controlling the world".

Her mum wanted to control cats, for the old lady it was strange because the cats love her mum also.

She was always ordering " Pain au Chocolate". Her mum smelled like chocolate.

She asked the old lady " Mam ... The pain au chocolate can be found in a bakery also? " the old lady said " yes, of course". From that day on, Marcellina was visited the bakery everyday without pays anything ... in the begging , she was so scared in that day, the sales lady said to her " I remember you... you are the little girl who came her a few months ago for two minutes then ran out... did you take something from here?? " Marcellina said " No, I didn't ". then went out quickly, but after that she came back with one question " Mam .. do you have a pain au chocolate, please ?"
One day her dad took her to the bakery to get bread, the sales lady like as usual offered her a candy and as usual Marcellina said " No, I can't. Thanks".The sales lady looked to her father telling him with her eyes " can she take it please? " he said " I am sorry my daughter has diabetes". The sales lady was shocked and felt sorry for her " poor kid".
Marcellina was looking with her hazel eyes for a pain au chocolate. the sales lady asked her " that's weird.. you didn't asked me today about the pain au chocolate!!". her dad said " what?" the sales lady said " I am sorry ... your daughter comes here every day asking about the pain au chocolate, then leaves without getting anything". she just stays in front of the glass window looking at everything that have chocolate".
He didn't know that his daughter does that.

When he went back home, he asked his daughter " why? " she didn't answer him.

For fewdays she didn't visit the bakery. And one day she was running without her shoes, crying like she had never cried before asking the sales lady after she opened the door by all her power " please tell me, do you have pain au chocolate??" the sales lady told her as she looked really confused " yes".
Marcellina said" please can I see one? ". the sales lady give her one ... Marcellina took it and ran away with tears in her eyes... she smelled the pain chocolate for long time"
she come back in the night when everyone was looking for her, her dad was really mad but when he saw her tired he couldn't say anything, he couldn't even ask her " what happened? ".

The next morning the sales lady visited her. Marcellina invited her to her own room. They talked about different things then she asked her " why Marcellina?" the nine years old girl told her " my mum smells like pain au chocolate".  

first time

In the Bakery everything is different, it’s not like you work in an office it’s like you are working in a big kitchen in your house.

My first day in the bakery was nice. I made 14 apple strudel. My boss taught me how to make it. I was so slowly and I still slowly.

When I saw that we baked 2 of them I was happy that day I was jumping inside, smiling like a kid. I remembered my Uncle the one he live far away when I told him how much I love to cook I was telling him about my own recipe. In that time everything was hard I was so sad, everyone around me thought I still sad because of my mum death when I moved on long time. I did I accepted her death cause it’s fact everyone will die one day.

I was sad because of the fights with my other uncle he made me cry a lot when he calls me INFEDIL front of my Best friend and I. he hurt me a lot especially when he threat to kill me. I didn’t understand what happened why did he do something like that? What I did? I am not the only girl in the family having Facebook or Mobile or friends.

Poor uncle he thought all the friends I had on my facebook they are really my friends when they are not I only have one Basma.

She was there for me. I am pretty sure everyone now want to know what happened with my uncle and I. wish if I can tell it’s hard to tell. It’s still hurting me and makes me cry.

I remember that when I was in my first day in the bakery… the first thing I cook before OMG. I was 13 and my mum in that time just got out of the hospital I didn’t see her for 2 years in that time, she got a virus attacked her brain, so went in coma for year and she was paralyzed after the coma for other one year. In that time I thought she left me again so I stop asking where is mumy, I stop missing her, I stop waiting her coming back. I didn’t  understand where she is or what happened to her until she come's back. I was bitch I treated her very bad because I was mad I was mad because very one treated me like a baby like I will not understand that I am losing my mum when I am just a kid. 

in that time I want to make something I love she used to make it for me I didn't want her to show me how to make it I want her to tell me how can I make it and I will make it... I didn't want her in the kitchen. so she was in the shower when I start calling her " mum ... mum ... how can I make pasta soup ? " Noodle soup " ... she said " when I will get out I will show you" I was holding 2 bags of noodle's " No stay there ... tell me how to make it " she said " waiting me " ... I CAN"T I DON"T HAVE ANY PATIENCE. 

after 5 minutes I was away from pot for 5 minutes only five MINUTES and everything turn black ... I burned everything the pan and the noodle's. I was so sad ... so scared ... so where I should disappear from the place of crime. I was running out the door and I come back 2 hours later. she was screaming for 2 hours because of the smell. 

in the end I learned how to make it after lectures about patience when you cook. 

the noodle soup easy to make and in that time I start make it everyday and one day I looked to the mirror and I realize that I am fat. I had bad time with that. my mum the most nice person ever in this earth, though sometime she be mean sometime's like in that day she want to bay for this dress it was size 2 when my size in that time 10 and she start crying asking God why she has a FAT kid. in that time I hated myself and I start wounder why she take me for dinner " eating out" then let me running or fast walking for 30 minutes ... from the begging don't take give me FAST FOOD and Pepsi. 

so when I want to lose some wight ... I start added some vegetables... 

how to make this soup .... easy ... Noodle + hot water + any vegetables you like. 

P.S. fry the noodle in oil or butter first.

so my first day in the bakery was lovely and nice... when I want home everyone was asking why did I do that? why a high educated girl like me working like a baker everyone was telling me his or her wishing for me to find another good job... but I don't want another job I am glad to have this ... I am glad to finally after one year looking for a job I got one

I was happy and un happy ... happy to work and un happy because it's not in media like I used to work in before. the people around me make me feel bad and sorry but they didn't could make me feel shamed from my work I was and I still proud to be a baker in our bakery.

I was going early like 1 or 2 hours sometime's before my shift started cause I love it I felt blessed to work there and to do something similar to cook... BAKE.

one day my boos asked me .. oh yeah I have 2 boss's so Ali my boss asked me if I need arrived and he was so nice ... kind ... he start talking to me about the business and we are a big family and it's true we are one family.

I was gradful for our conversation. 

today the bakery it's different now we have a mini Cafe, I got crazy with it... my day made when someone asking me for a coffee now I know how to make Latte, espresso, american, cappuccino and vienna coffee. I made it today wow I was feeling like I am dancing with the stars. 

every Friday my sweet Daniela coming to visit me in the bakery having coffee + sandwich+ something sweet... something I make like my cinnamon rolls. Daniela couldn't coming today, she was going to Palestine, they didn't late her go in ... she called me asking what she should do?? 

she backed to Amman safe. 

the best part on my day when a customer smile on my face telling me " thank you ... to open today " or " thank you ... to make this ".

or when a customer telling me " I was thinking about you ... you looked tired last time are you okay now? " 

that's make's me feel I am at home.

   

who am I?

                                                                                                   Know me first !

 

My name is …. Actually I have a lot of names and nicknames, I don’t know which one I prefer or I like more. You can call me Hebatullah – my real name, by the way, or Heba, my  short name or Hoba, Hoby, Habosh or Boba.  Choose one. Actually I chose or created a name for myself by myself: “ Hobty “. I got so mad at one of my friends or a girl I thought was my friend when she was not. She’s not my friend anymore - because what I will tell is she’s not because a lot of things are piling up with our relationship.

She gives my name without asking me first, when she knew how much I like to be unique, she made a Facebook profile by my name “ Hobty”. I was shocked when I saw that and when I asked her what is that? She laughed and lied to my face telling me they call her cousin when it’s not true. I couldn’t believe it - how dare you? Lie to my face? And then do that to me. I don’t know if really I forgive her and to be honest I can’t forget that and a lot of things she did to me.

I know it sounds terrible but it’s me in the end.

 

What I am doing with my life?

Oh god, I don’t know yet what am I doing with my life but all I know is I am happy… My life changes seven times a day, I live a new adventure every moment. Even when I am at home all day without going out to the street interesting stuff happens. But for now all you need to know really is what I do. I am a baker in lovely bakery in Jordan called “ Boutique Bakery”. It’s weird for a lot of people especially since my background is Journalism.

 

So how did I become a baker? It’s a long long story, my friends, but like we said here “ everything in the right time a beautiful”.

 

When my ex boss decide to let me go, he was so nice, he told me how much sorry he was to see me go but I am in the wrong foot and it’s true I was. I still remember it very well when he told me “ I want to see you in my office in your free time”. I knew it, yes I knew, he will let me go. Something inside me in my heart, in my soul and my mind, a voice told me that the voice inside me told me everything will be okay and I need to be quiet and say nothing. I freezes I was between more than two voices how will it be okay? I just move from my host family house to my own room the room I rent. I maudlin front of him I was telling myself stop … stop crying don’t be pathetic you don’t need that everything will be okay. I left his office to hide in a cleaning room asking myself “ what can I do now? “ “ how can I help myself? “ and in that moment I told myself that actually I was singing in my mind “ I'm a survivor (What?)
I'm not gone give up (What?)
I'm not gone stop (What?)
I'm gone work harder (What?)
I'm a survivor (What?)
I'm gonna make it (What?)
I will survive (What?)
Keep on surviving”  I wiped my tears when I was setting in the dark, I smiled to myself in that moment and I took a deep breath. I took all my things from there and I left.

 

Three months looking for a job from one place to other and every time no luck this is not what god wants for me. In these three months I was talking to God a lot about everything. I was pretty sure he would make me happy in the end he will give me a good job. In that time a lot of girls were asking me how I am sure god will make me happy? Why I am pretty sure he is there for me? Why I believe his there for me?? and in the right time the door will open for me.

I don’t know why? But all I know I have a choice to ask him first and ask everyone I know for help to find a job or the other choice to stop asking and  losing my good life I saw that for years a lot of kids and mature become addicted to drugs and alcohol because they don’t know how to ask for help how to believe that after everything bad a good things comes. And everything in this life it’s hard to get to learn how to keep it good to learn how to make yourself happy. I can choose to be alcoholic but what after that? I will lose my beauty skin, eyes and mind. I will be a slave . god created me a free girl and I will not make myself slave to anything especial things like that.

After three month looking for a job one of my friends asked me why I don’t be a sales girl cause I know how to tell stories about everything and how I  can make everything looks beautiful, after this conversation she tagged me in ad on facebook. Someone post they needing for a sales for someone want to work there. When I saw the ad I didn’t feel interested, to be honest I didn’t want to call them I was thinking in that time about the money how much they will give me? And if really I want to work there, I didn’t want to work there I didn’t want to be sales girl I didn’t want to work for costumers, but I called them cause my friend post me and I promise her I will call them.

I did I call the number, I found a foreign lady answered me asking how she can help me? Then we decide when we can meet. I was so happy because she’s not Jordanian I will get pay if I work with her but I still I don’t wanna work there until I met her.

The moment I saw her out the bakery, the moment I saw the bakery those flowers this mirror, the moment I set in her chair I felt cool and clam, I felt relax but also I felt scared I felt nerves I felt tired, tired for looking for a job. When we start talking I heard music telling me this is my new place. She question me a lot about food, where I coming from?, my Experiences, my last job, and food. I remember that she asked me about “ quiche “ I was asking myself what is that? The funny thing here I ate quiche before 100 times in Egypt but I never know the name a lot of thing I don’t know they names maybe because I don’t ask a lot like the names not importuned to me no it’s really important in this life but not really too me.

When she asked my about quiche I talked about something else and I start telling her how my friends loves my food and my lonely video for my BFF Basma helped me a lot.

The interview finished I went home and I was so scared I need to find a job. She didn’t tell me if I will work with her or not she said to me “ I need to talk to my partner” so I felt down when I get out her bakery I knew it I will not working there, so I kept looking for a job.

Someone of my friends talked to a good man here about me to help me to find a job and the man he do it his best, send me from interview to other and every interview piece of shit.  in this moment I hate religions and I start asking myself how this people obey for God? Everyone talk about Islam and Christianity when they do nothing from God words. I read before an article for a Jewish Yamani writer before talking about the people inviting her to Islam for people asking her to obey Islam when they are not. In her article talked about Mohamed and how he makes a Jew man become a Muslim and she start asking Muslims “ Mohamed gives honor to this man what you will give the Jew today?”  I was thinking about this question a lot what they will give themselves before the Jewish and Christians? Nothing.

This guy he was talking about how much the media it’s not a good environment for a girl to work there. Especially if she is not warring Hejab, I looked to him and I asked him “ how you want from a girl like me to not sale herself ? how do you want from a girl like me when she is here asking for a job for any job a job I can give all my heart and my power a job they will not let me go after while because I need long time to learn… how do you want me to believe in your religion and your God when I see that you don’t obey?” this the simple thing in Islam giving … and all I was asking for a Job. I was knocking on every door and I met a man from the muslim brotherhood. His even not Egyptian and I am not egyptian I just lived there and I speak they dialog not  more not les. In that interview he start it with asked about my back ground so I talked to him about my works in Egypt before and in one moment I don’t know how? He start calling me “ folol”. I tried 100 times to explain to him this world for Egyptian people who want Mubark still there it’s not letated  to any member of Muslim brotherhood and what’s going on in Egypt now it’s not my business or his business. This interview was the worst ever I shot in his face and I was almost will cry but I didn’t.

In that time everyone was asking me how I life? From where I get money? Especial the people interview me. This man he was only want to know how I got money to survive, and he asked me this “ are you sure you don’t do anything wrong ?”  I looked to him with all anger on my eyes. I told him “ if I am a bitch what I am doing here? Why I will ask for a job ? “ in this moment I wished if I am slat if I can sale myself very easy if I can do like this girls I will be rich. also I will have a lot of sex even I can have a lover a rich man has problems with his wife I can used him. But it’s not me. This is not me. I don’t like to use anyone I don’t like this things. I am looking for love not fake life .

 

After few days when I was crying in my bed I got a massage from the bakery telling me tomorrow she will let me know when and where my kitchen test . I start calling her like a crazy I thought she wrote it’s tomorrow and I didn’t what should I do?? How it’s will work? But she didn’t answer. I felt like my heart with stop in any moment now until she send for me a massage telling me” tomorrow I will test you”.

 

 

                                                                                                                   Tomorrow

 

I woke up so tired, so nervous. I was so sure I will not get the job, you will not believe that in my deep I knew I am a bad cook I was wonder how people and my friends like’s my food? Are they sure? I start believe on myself lately.

 

I reset the massage. It’s mix feeling happy, sad, joy and scared all of that in the same time.

 

I went to her bakery, order me to make 2 saver thing can work in her bakery quiche and sandwich. I didn’t know what to do, my mind was busy with a lot of things talking to god talking to myself remembering every interview and how its done, remembering how I was so sad without work remembering my rent.

 

I was talking to god “ God what should I do? God what is that Quiche? How can I make it? God can you please help me? Can you please help me to get this job? If this not the door I should walked in tell me now. I am not ready for any heartache.  Then I sent massage to a guy I was dating him in that time, I asked him how we make the quiche? His answer me back “ I don’t know … what is that? “ I was so nerves and angry “ google it” after 20 mints his sent for me a massage with the resebe without the grams “ egg+ butter + flour”. I was looking to it “ that’s all?” how much I should pot ?

I tried my luck and she love it … I made for her a potato’s quiche. It was really good and 2 tuna sandwich.

Then I got it … I will start next week.

 

I went back home jumping .. the joy full my heart … felt relax then I remember that how I will go to my work? I don’t have money again I went to ask some people for help to give me some money to bay my rent and to go to work.

 

In that night I promised myself if I got a lot of money in future and I got my own project I will give my employ the money in the beginning of the month, I don’t want anyone life the same Experian’s.

 

I was teaching Arabic class after noon everyday to get money for taxis only.. I didn’t think about the food I didn’t think about anything I just focus on my work.

 

In that time I had Algerian flat mate the worst flat mate ever. I met her through a friend. I didn’t understand why she’s here in Jordan when she’d came in the begging to visit her BFF then her BFF and her they are not friends anymore because of guy. then I moved to live with the people who host her … I was they flat mate I told them she will bay from my back she had a deal with them she will not bay I didn’t know anything about this deal and I thought my flat mate’s want to let her pay anything because she’s just here for short time.

 

Thanks God she’s gone now the funny thing a lot of people met her here and no one want her come back in future you will know why?

باي باي رمضان

شهر رمضان خلاص بيودع وبيقول باي باي ... بيقول باي باي علي كل حاجة ... استقبلت رمضان وانا مبتليه وبودعه وانا مبتليه كالعاده زاي كل سنة عادتي ولا هاشتريها؟؟

رمضان أثر جامد جدا علي المخبز وخلاني اشوف اللويبدة بصورة جديدة ...

في المخبز يوم اه ويوم لاء ... يوم في زباين وايام كتيرة لاء ... شيء لا يصدقه عقل علي رأي شويكار بصراحة قلت الزباين والفراغ اللي كنت فيه خلتني ابدعت في المخبز بطريقة رائعة بالنسبالي ... اختراعات عملت كميت اختراعات رهيبه واخر اختراعات الكورسوه .. انا فكره انا اول مره اكلت فيها كورسوه كان في مصر ... لما كنت باخد كورس الفرنساوي وقتها كان عندي عاده كل يوم الصبح اروح المعهد اعد في الكافيتيريا اللي ديكورها بسيط جدا مع الكورسوه والكابيتشينو كنت بحس اني في فرنسا وبالاخص شارع الشانزيليزه مازال حلمي باني ازور الشارع دا يراودني الناس كلها ... كلها كلها بتروح عشان البرج وانا عايزة اروح عشان الشارع... انتي غريبة قوي يا مهراجا.

الزباين اللي بيجوا زباين غريبة جدا ... يعني احنا مخبز وحد يجي يقولك هو انتم عندكم ايه حلو دايت؟ انا ساعتها ببص بصه غريبه لاء والادهش لما حد يجي يقولك انا عايز البسكوت بدون سكر بدون زبدة ازاي بقي؟؟ هو في بسكوت بدون سكر وبدون زبدة؟ طب ماشي في بسكر قليل طب اشيل الزبدة ازاي؟؟

بحكم شغلي انا بتعرض لكل حاجة ... من حروقات خارجية اللي ناس تحرقك من جوه ... يعني في زبون جلنا اول مره كان عادي اخد طلباته ومشي تاني مره اعد يسألني انا منين ؟؟ وان كنت بعرف لغات ولا لاء ؟ وان كنت مبسوطة في شغلي ولا لاء؟ ولحد دلوقتي دا كله عادي ... لكن بعد كده بدأت الاسئلة الشخصية ... انتي متجوزة مخطوبه مصاحبه؟؟ كان مفجأة انه سألني ان كنت عذراء ولا لاء؟ اختها بهزار ورديت عليه لاء انا برج الجدي لان انا مش عارفه هو انا لو هزقت امه هايصح ولا ميصحش ؟ حاولت اكون مهذبه علي قد ما اقدر ولاول مره احس بالبنات اللي بيشتغلوا في المحلات وبيبيعوا ... وبعدين هوب من تحت تقاطيق الارض لقيته بيقولي انا عايز اعزمك علي العشاء بعد رمضان؟ سألته بتهكم اشمعني بعد رمضان ؟؟ قالي عشان اكون برحتي ... رديت عليه لامؤخذه هو حضرتك عندك كام سنة؟ قالي انا شاب قلت له ماهو مبين اخرك يعني 60 وانا مش عايزة اقول 70 عشان مجرحكش يعني بس انا 27 اكيد انت بالنسبالي جيدو ... انا وقتها مبقتش عارفه انا بقول الكلام دا ازاي؟ بس انقذني من الموقف دا لما المديرة جات وقتها حاسيت ان ربنا بعتها ليَّ مبقتش عارفه احكلها الموقف ... اقول ليها هو قالي ايه ولا مقولش؟ وبصراحه مقولتش مش هينفع كل شوية اقول لها دا عاكسني ودا بصبصلي واتصرف ازاي؟

الاشاكل دي مبتخلصش ونوعية "كال هال" كتير ... زبون جيه مرتين اعد يسألني عن المحل ومن ردي عليه بالانجليزي لان كلامنا كان انجليزي وكان باين انه مش اردني او من ملامحه انه مش عربيه اصلا بس كان في حاجة مريبه الحس الصحفي الجاسوسي اللي جوايه اشتغل بالاخص لما سألني ان كنت مصرية ولا لا؟ من طريقة نطقي ل the  طبعا قالي انه راح مصر وراح شرم الشيخ وقتها أصبحت افكر في الجيران والعدو ... قد يكون جار يهودي وقد يكون عدو صهيوني ... وبدأت الحسه السادسة اللي عندي تشتغل ... سألني عن حاجات كتيرة عن اهلي وعن الشغل وعن حياتي في مصر وكل المعلومات اللي اديته اياها كانت مزيفه لاني مش مرتاحة ... وهو خارج من المحل قالي انا حمدان حمدين ولا حمدين حمدان ودا نيك نيم ولي نيك نيم اخر كال هال وقالي انه عنده نيك نيمز كتيره قوي .

خرج وهو عامل فاتوره كبيرة ... لكن خلاني اعيش مشهد من مسلسل جاسوسي مصري وبدات اتخيل نفسي والعدو الصهيوني بيحاول يجندني والمخبارات المصرية تقفشني وابقي عميل مزدوج وادي العدو معلومات مغلوطة عشان عروبتي فجأة تنقح عليه ... مش قدره انسي لما اعد يقولي ان الملك عبد الله لازم يكون في سلام مع اسرائيل ... احنا معندنا مشكلة معاهم كا جنسيه او ديانه لكن عندنا مشكلة معاهم كا ساسية ودماغ صهيونيه هناك فرق كبير قوي ... هما فكرنا اغبيه ومش فهمين في وقت ان هما اللي اغبيه ومش فاهمين احنا بنتكلم عن ايه؟ فاكرين ان احنا بنكرهم لكن احنا مش بنكره اليهود احنا ضد الصهيونيه والنازيه والاخوان المسلمين وداعش.

انا في المخبز في اليوم الواحد بمر بكل حاجة الحالات الدينية زاي زبونه كده جات وهي مسيحية متدينه جدا اعدت تصلي في المحل لينا وللمديرة بتاعتي عشان ربنا يفتحها في وشنا ويرزقنا كتير ... في وقت ما هي كانت بتصلي وخلصت صلاة وانا من جوايه مش عارفه انا مبهوره ولا مصدومه ولا ايه؟ يدخل واحد مسلم بكرش يسألني هو المحل دا لمين؟ واول ما تقول لواحده اجنبيه بيكون السؤال التالي هل هي مسيحية ام يهودية ولما بقول معرفش ... يقولي طيب هي بتأيد اسرائيل ولا لا؟ بقيت بسأل نفسي هو دا ليه بيحصل معايا انا؟ في وجودي انا ؟ هو ليه مبيحصلش مع المديرة او المدير؟؟ ليه يعني ولا هو انا الدراما ورايا ورايا ؟؟

البقشيش في المخبز ممنوع وفي ناس كيوت بتصمم انها تسيب لي بقشيش بحطه في الكاش ودايما المدير يسألني في فلوس زيادة جات منين؟ بتكسف اقوله ان دا بقشيش وان عيني فيه بصراحة يعني اوقات لما بشوف الناس بتحط القروش في صندوق الخاص بجمعية الحيوانات دي ... بقول لنفسي طب ليه ميعملوش واحد للبني ادمين؟ دا في ناس كتيرة ممكن تستفاد من الموضوع دا وقد اكون انا اولهم يعني.

كل يوم بشوف امثال كتيرة ... واحده بقلب محطم وعايزة شوكولاته ... واحد زهقان ومش عارف يعمل ايه خطف رجله عشان يشوف عندنا ايه ويضيع وقته.. ازواج بيجوا لو تشوف طريقة كلامهم تعرف يعني ايه زوجين .. لاء وكله كوم ولما حد يجي بقي يسألك هو الاكل دا فيه جيلاتين؟؟ صدقوني يا جدعان الجيلاتين اللي عندنا غير اللي عندكم في اوروبا الجيلاتين بتعنا دا حلال للمسلمين واليهود وللنباتين.

انا كمان بكون صدقات من المخبز اتعرفت عن طريق المخبز علي بنتين احلي من بعض في فتره قصيرة بقوا قريبات مني جدا ... كل كام يوم بيجوا يزوروني .

اكتر حاجة بحب اعملها البيسكوتي ... والابل اشترودل ... السينمون رولز... في حاجات بحب اعملها كل يوم ومزهقش منها لكن دول علي القمة.

اللويبدة غير الرابية خالص ... انا عايشة في مكان وبشتغل في مكان تاني ... اللويبدة مليانه من كل لون زاي اللي بشوفه في الشغل بس علي اوسع بالاخص وجمب بيتي كافيه.

اصبح اصحابي المثلين شيء مهم من يومي اول ما بروح الساعة 7 ونص دي لازم ادخل الكافية اولا اشوف هما فين اسلم علي كل واحد فيهم واسألهم كالعادة اطبخ ايه؟ واعمل ايه؟ وبنيجي وبنتعشا كلنا عندي في البيت ... بحب اللمه دي بحب ان الكل ياكل من اكلي وان الكل يكون معايا وحوالين مني ..

من السهل تبقي جزء من حاجة لو انت حاسس انك وحيد لان الكل في اللويبدة بسهوله بتيكلموا معاك هنا الكافيهات بتفتح من بدري حتي في رمضان من الساعة 11 ونص وعادي انا لما بدخل عشان استعمل النت بلاقي ناس كتيرة هنا وكان دا مش رمضان واكترهم عرب ... اللي بلاقيه مضحك ان الناس وهي بتصوم بتحمل ربنا جميلة الصيام والناس في الكافية بتشير اللي نفسها بالوضوح ولكن ازاي وضوح انكم مش صايمين ومش مهتمين؟ قصاد اصحابكم ولكن لما بترجعوا البيت بتمثلوا انكم صايمين ودا نفاق .. لحد ماحد سألني ايهم احسن وفي رأي ولا واحد فيهم احسن من التاني.

هنا كل واحد واخد راحته تعاكس براحتك وتبقي محترم برحتك تبقي سكري برحتك وتبقي محتشم وواعي براحتك ... اللويبدة المكان الوحيد اللي لقيت نفسي فيه مكان ملئ بالتناقضات زاي حياتي مكان مجنون زاي حياتي ... مكان غريب زاي حياتي.

دوار بريس مش مجرد دوار دوار في الصبح لكبار السن وللاجانب بعد الظهر وفي المساء للعائلات السورية ..

اللويبدة هنا مليانه ناس ومن وسط الناس دي انا وكارلي اللي ساكنه معايا من فتره اتفقنا خلاص هنعمل جدول للتنظيف واهو يوم نعمل منه وعشرة لاء ... بس محدش قال ان زيد يدخل جوه الجدول ... زيد دا صديقي الصدوق دلوقتي واخويا ... الذكر اللي بتحاج انه يكون موجود كانه عائلتي ... بحس اني اقدر اعتمد عليه اللي حد ما ... من كان يوم انا وزيد كنا بنطارد الصراصير في البيت وطول الليل لحد 4 الفجر مش بنعمل حاجة غير اني اصوت واقوله اهو اهو وهو ماشك الشبشب وبيجري وراهم ... الذ شيء لما افتكر الصرصار فار من كتر مكان بيخربش في كيس الفحم ... الصراصير في الاردن غير مصر ... هنا الاحجام جامبو يابا.

زيد من الناس اللي بتعرف تضحكني جدا بنسي معاه هموم كتيره اخوه واولاد اخوه اخدوا مكانه كبيرة جدا في قلبي كانهم عائلتي الصغيرة.

اللويبدة المكان اللي بحب اخرج واتفسح واسترخي فيه ... هي بيتي بالضبط ...

الشهر دا احتفلنا بعيد ميلاد كارلي طبعا بدري عن يوم عيد ميلادها والهدايا كلها جات ليها بدري بدري لانها كانت مخططه تروح لبنان لكن لا راحت لبنان ولا نيلة ووقتها زعلت انا عليها كل شيء جلها بدري عشان قالت انا بس هاروح ...

طبعا زاي ما قلت رمضان بيودع ... واخيرا عرفت ان انا هاخد اجازة يومين مش عارفه اعمل فيهم ايه؟ اروح رحله ولا اروح العقبه؟ ولا البحر الميت ولا اقضيهم في البيت بصراحة انا لو اخر حاجة دي حصلت هاطق ... انا مصدقت اني اخد اجازة اصييييع فيها اضييييع فيها ... اجازة اعمل فيها زاي سعاد حسني وهي بتقول قولي يا هذا لماذا اخدنا اجازة؟

الكلام مبيخلصش لكن الوقت بيخلص انا لازم اروح دلوقتي ... لكن اكيد هرجع تاني ليكم.

صح ولا مش صح؟

"لاقيتك والدنيا ليل قلتيلي مخطوية ... ياليل ما بعده ليل يا ناعس بهدوبي " البيت دا كان بيهاجم رأسي وانا اعدة علي الدكه قصاد شقتي باكل بطاطس وسندوتش زينجر ... كل الناس بتحب الشوكولاته مدمنين علي الشوكولاته الا انا مدمنة بطاطا ... بتصعب عليَّ البطاطا بتكون وحيدة ... عشان كده اي حاجة بلقيها وحيدة بميل عليها بخاف تحس بالوحدة اللي بحسها يمكن اقدر ابعد الوحدة دي ... لما كنت في مصر وابقي في مكان كله بيشجع الاهلي وانا اعده بشجع الزمالك مش بشجع الزمالك حباً في الزمالك لاء بس لاني بحس بوحدة مشجع الزمالك وهو اعد وسط اهلويه كانه بيدور في عيون الناس عن زملكاوي زايه فا بقوله انا هنا اهو بشد علي ايديك اهو.

واديني انا اعده علي الدكه مستنيه اللي يشد علي ايدية ويقولي انا هنا اهو انا عارف انك وحيدة دلوقتي طبعا المفروض افكر في ربنا لان دي الحقيقة لو فكرت في ربنا مش هاكون وحيدة لو اتذكرت وجوده هاعرف اني مش وحيدة ودا اللي اسعدني وابعد غمامة الحزن والغيرة عني ولو شوية ... بطبعي انسانة غيورة جداً بغير علي اي حاجة بحبها واي حد بحبه بمفرق ان كان حب ولا عشق ولا صديقة... لما اتصلت اليوم بواحده من صحباتي سألتها ان كانت تحب تاكل معايا ... مكنتش عايزة اكل لوحدي كان نفسي اروح البيت اطبخ وليمة مش اكل من باره زاي الراجل العزابي... لقتها بتقولي ان الزوجين اللي عرفتها عليهم عزموها هي وصحبتي التانية اللي انا كمان عرفتهم عليها مع بنات اتراك شاءت الظروف انهم يعرفوا البنات الاطراق دول عن طريقي بس بصورة غير مباشرة يعني ... ومحدش فيهم اتصل فيه ولا عزمني البنت من كتر الكسوف قالت لي انتي ممكن تيجي ... لا طبعا مش ممكن انا اتعودت اني مفرضش نفسي علي حد وبربط الناس من كلمهم معايا زاي ما بربط حالي بكلمة معاهم ... اعدت تقولي انا فكره انهم كلموكي لاء مكليمونيش ومن يوم الخميس وانا عارفه الموضوع دا ومحدش فيهم كلمني ولا قلي حاجة... وسكت بس غصب عني طبعي الغيور خلاني انسي ازاي بدات يومي بحاجات حلوة كتير.. 

زاي اني اليوم الصبح كنت مع صحبتي الانتيم آبي وان اصحابي في فلسطين كذبوا عليَّ عشان بس ميزعلونيش ... احساس رائع ان اصحابك يقولوا ليك لاء احنا بخير احنا كويسين برغم ان المستوطنين الاسرائلين هجموا عليهم وفي حد منهم في حالة خطيرة. 

غيرتي نستني لما "كاترينا" بنت جديدة اتعرفت عليها دخلت المخبز الساعة 10 الصبح جات بس تسلم عليه وتعد معايا شوية مكنتش عايزة تشتري حاجة لكن الروائح الحلوة جننتها خلتها راحت البيت جابت فلوس وجات ... قد ايه اللحظة دي كانت رائعة هي جات بس عشان تشوفني ... وقالت لي انها دورت عليَّ في الفيس وملقتنيش وعايزة تعرف ايه هو فيس بوكي ... كنت محتاجة لمسة حب زاي دي اللمسة دي من عند ربنا والحمد لله ... انا عارفه ان انا بعمل حاجات وحشة كتير تزعل ربنا لاني اكيد مش ملاك بس هو عارف ان انا كمان جوايه حد طيب وبيحاول يحارب ويجاهد عشان يكون احسن. 

اليوم في المخبز كان هادي لكن قبل انتهاء دوامي بقليل دخل زبون مش اول مره يجي بس اول مره يجي لوحده ... سألني عن الشغل واخباره واحواله ... وان انا كنت متجوزة ولا لاء وعينيه كانت باينه قوي هو بيبص فين ويتغزل فيه شوية ويديني فوق نفوخي شوية بيقولي انتي جميلة انتي رائعة انا مشوفتش واحده في جمالك قلت له شكراً دا من زوئك قلي لاء حقيقي انا شوفت حريم اشكال والوان لكن انتي مختلفه انتي طبيعية تلقائيه لاء حضرتك في مني كتير بس العين اللي تشوف... قالي لاء انتي شكلاً مش حلوة لكن روحك رائعة انتي رياضية ... قلت له انا فعلا كده رياضية ... انا مبفهمش حاجة في الكورة ولا بحضرها بس لما بحضرها بشجع بحرارة بصراحة ... قالي وكمان دمك خفيف وبعدين قالي انا بعد رمضان هاعزمك علي العشاء قلت له لاء شكرا الله يخليك قالي لاء انا مصمم قلت له لاء خلاص خليها فطار اصل انا ماما قالت لي مينفعش اطلع مع حد اكبر مني بكتير ولا اخد منه حاجة بص لي وقالي بتنكتي بالمصري؟ حاولت اتهرب لانه في الاول والاخر زبون وانا موظفة مقدرش اتصرف لحد ما صاحبة المكان تيجي ... كنت بحاول اكون مهذبه علي قد ما اقدر بس كل اللي كان جاي في بالي انا ايه مالي ومال العواجيز؟؟ مفيش شاب مره ينطس فيَّ كله كده فوق ال50؟ ايه للدرجة دي شكلي وحش وكبيرة في السن مثلا؟ 

روحت البيت بعد ما خلصت الشغل ... نمت نوم قاتل مش عارفه انا نمت لاني مرهقه ولا بسبب الغيرة ولا بسبب الهروب؟ بس نمت. 

الاعده علي الدكه قصاد البيت حلوة قوي مريحة قوي وبتخليني افتكر ملكوت الله ... والمشكلة مش فهمه ازاي بتأمل في خلق الله وانا بسمع لاقيتك والدنيا ليل ؟؟ 

غريبه انا صح؟ 

الويبدة ومهراجا

الويبدة هي حي يسكنه العديد من الاجانب والاردنين من عائلات متوسطة الحال وفي نفس الوقت غنية النفس ... اما مهراجا فهي دخيلة علي ذلك الحي ... في البداية لم تكن تعرف عنه شيء ولكن بعدما عرفته لم تفكر ابدا انها قد تسكنه في احد الايام لحد ما جيه اليوم الاخبر دا وصحبتها لقت بيت في المنطقة دي واجبرتها انها تسكن معاها وتحت تهديد السلاح وفقت المهراجا.

في المدونة دي هانعرض عليكم حياة المهراجا وسكان الويبدة وعمل المهراجا في الرابية تبعونا يمكن كل يوم ننزل حاجة جديدة ويمكن 
 يوم اه ويوم لاء ويمكن بالاسبوع متسمعوش عنينا حاجة

بس اللي هنطلبه منكم طلب بسيط جدا متحكموش علينا بشيء لان اللي هنعرضه مش كله حقيقي قد يكون خيال كاتب وقد يكون جزء من حقيقة وقد يكون حقيقة اتبني عليها خيال وقد يكون مجرد وهم وقد يكون بقي اللي قد يكونه ولكن اللي متأكده منه ان شاء الله بقدرتك يا رب هانحرك مشاعركم وتنفعلوا معانا.

مع كل حب وتقدير
المهراجا