My salary

Wednesday: April 2th, 2014. I got my first SALARY after a long time without being paid. I was counting the days. Day after day until the third month comes, here, usually in every place I used to work they would let me go after my first or second month. Otherwise I would leave by myself cause something I didn’t like happened.

Every time I got my salary I told my boss “ thank you …” and she answered “ no need..”

When I got my first salary I was jumping all the way coming back home, recalling the first month just after I started job – the first I actually got paid… how hard it was for me. I didn’t have money at that time to go to my work everyday, I didn’t have any idea how I would do that? I didn’t want to either ask my family or embarrass my friend by asking her to give me my money back … the money she should given back 3 years ago. I started teaching at the mornings or in my days off in order to earn enough so I was able to get to the bakery. I prayed everyday to God, I was talking to him a lot, telling him” I don’t know what to say? Or how to talk, oh God… but you know what I need and what I want to say” I was so sure he saw me, he knew everything.

A lot of people made fun of me and of my work, some of them tried to take all the joy from me by talking about how smart and educated I was, but they couldn’t. I was sorry for them. If they didn’t understand how much my work was good, enjoyable and relaxing it means they were sad, poor people. Yes I would like to work in media again or to keep writing, but what I was looking for was not here. I am a writer - yes I am …yes my Arabic is really bad, I do a lot of grammar mistakes but I am still a writer. I want to be able to write about people stories or to have my talk show with normal people. I don’t want to talk about the famous, I want to talk and tell about everyone who feels himself NOBODY, about who’s having a dream trying it makes come true.

In my first month I went through different things: like how to describe bread, how to become a sales girl. Oh… my first day in the bakery as a sales, alone. It was a disaster, I couldn’t remember anything and also I didn’t remember the names of everything and my boss told me: it’s Saturday and raining so usually there are no customers today. She left, after a while customers started coming in, non stop, the line was becoming longer and longer. I was telling everyone “ sorry, I am new” I was calling my boss asking about everything but she couldn’t understand me very well and I didn’t know what she was talking about, I tried to be cool but inside I was crying. Freaking-out. When my boss traveled to Germany in the end of my first month I went crazy. I was coming here at 10 am, whether it’s my shift or not. I was cleaning a lot and telling myself “ I need to keep this place clean … she needs to feel like she didn’t leave”. It was one week … but not like any other week before … that week helped to understand a little about the business, fall in love with the bakery, try to learn more about baking.

Also in that month a lot of people were coming, asking me about my boss if she was married or not? If she was a Christian or Jewish or Muslim? If we supported Israel or Palestine? If our gelatin was Halal or not? If I said “ bism allah al rahman al rahem “ before baking or not? If I was a Muslim or not?  Some of them were asking me where I was from… the funny part was that I spoke Arabic with them and then they would still ask me “ where are you from ? “ or “ for how long you have been here?  Then they would tell me “ oh la la … your Arabic is very good but you need to learn how to pronounce it very well or you need to speak more “ some of them were asking me if I was a Moroccan or Tunisian and some without asking spoke to me in Spanish. I loved these people who thought I was Latin.

Some customers were coming here not for the bread. They were coming for meat “ humans meat”. They were coming here, buying nothing, just asking me how old I was? If I was married or not? If I had a boyfriend or not? If I was virgin or not?? Some of them they didn’t ask, they just told me personal things,  waiting me to start talking about myself. Like this old man who asked me to go out with him for a dinner after I finish my work. This was not the first time to hear that or to be in the same situation..

I feel grouse when a man comes here, looks at my body, asks me why was I single? Oh my God! I just remembered that … an old man asked me to go out with him after Ramadan and when I asked why? He said because I was smart, nice and he was trying to make me feel like I am not that beautiful and he favored me so when I said “ NO” he asked me if I was a lesbian  This kind of people made me feel like a hero because I kept smiling when I kicked them out telling in a nice manner “ thanks to come here but watch your neck the next time so you don’t break it”.

Not only this people make me feel like a hero also here like that night… 

The smell of Chocolate..

This story is about a little girl, Who lost her mum at an early age. she could not remember her voice or face, She used to hear from her dad and grand parents '' your mum was an amazing cook, famous for her giant lima beans salad''.

The little girl never tried her mum's food, her mum had passed away before she could eat. The little girl was really skinny, long brown hair with little hazel eyes. Her name is " Marcellina".

Marcellina learned how to go to school on foot, walking to school is her favorite time because she can dream without any one bathering her. she can talk to her mum asking " why mumy I can't eat candy or chocolate??" ... " why I have diabetes??".

One day a bakery opened on her way to school she was smelling this smell every day. this bakery was pink from out side a lot of candy and bread on display in the front window, she was telling herself '' I can't go there, I'll die like my mummy". Then one day she decided to go there " I need to know ... what is that smell??". She opened the door and heard this bell, she was there for two minutes only and then she ran out.

In her mins she remembered a story about kids eating a lot of candy and sweets then an evil witch trying to eat one of them.

She went back home crying and crying holding her mum's picture, telling her with tears flowing pouring her face " mumy I miss you.. ".

In the summer she used to visit her grandparents to spend two weeks with them, sleeping in her mum's room. Everything in her mum's room was chocolate brown. She used to visit a cake shop with her grandma and listen to the old lady story's about her mum when she was a little kid. How her mum had her mini gang to torturing cats on the streets and how her mum was the only kid not afraid of cats, the lady was always telling her " your mum was different a sweet girl with evil mind ... she was watching a lot of cartoons the risk ... denger of controlling the world".

Her mum wanted to control cats, for the old lady it was strange because the cats love her mum also.

She was always ordering " Pain au Chocolate". Her mum smelled like chocolate.

She asked the old lady " Mam ... The pain au chocolate can be found in a bakery also? " the old lady said " yes, of course". From that day on, Marcellina was visited the bakery everyday without pays anything ... in the begging , she was so scared in that day, the sales lady said to her " I remember you... you are the little girl who came her a few months ago for two minutes then ran out... did you take something from here?? " Marcellina said " No, I didn't ". then went out quickly, but after that she came back with one question " Mam .. do you have a pain au chocolate, please ?"
One day her dad took her to the bakery to get bread, the sales lady like as usual offered her a candy and as usual Marcellina said " No, I can't. Thanks".The sales lady looked to her father telling him with her eyes " can she take it please? " he said " I am sorry my daughter has diabetes". The sales lady was shocked and felt sorry for her " poor kid".
Marcellina was looking with her hazel eyes for a pain au chocolate. the sales lady asked her " that's weird.. you didn't asked me today about the pain au chocolate!!". her dad said " what?" the sales lady said " I am sorry ... your daughter comes here every day asking about the pain au chocolate, then leaves without getting anything". she just stays in front of the glass window looking at everything that have chocolate".
He didn't know that his daughter does that.

When he went back home, he asked his daughter " why? " she didn't answer him.

For fewdays she didn't visit the bakery. And one day she was running without her shoes, crying like she had never cried before asking the sales lady after she opened the door by all her power " please tell me, do you have pain au chocolate??" the sales lady told her as she looked really confused " yes".
Marcellina said" please can I see one? ". the sales lady give her one ... Marcellina took it and ran away with tears in her eyes... she smelled the pain chocolate for long time"
she come back in the night when everyone was looking for her, her dad was really mad but when he saw her tired he couldn't say anything, he couldn't even ask her " what happened? ".

The next morning the sales lady visited her. Marcellina invited her to her own room. They talked about different things then she asked her " why Marcellina?" the nine years old girl told her " my mum smells like pain au chocolate".